Never Ending Surrendering

Even love must be released–
My human ideas of
Perfection and ever after
Even the good things
Hide the illusion of a
Reality that isn’t real

If I could bend the world
To my blind, little will
If that were even possible
Would it be enough?
I think not. It would simply
Reflect back to me the

Inadequacies of my mind
Then I would not only be
Disappointed,
But insulted by Creation!
Then what? Create more?
Luckily, life force has its limits!

No, as a Divine One* once said,
“The bad thorn is replaced by the good thorn,
Then we throw both thorns away.”
Release even the good thorn
To be the Wind as well as the Eagle
That flies upon it

Pretentious are these words
Written by a Soul having
Just surfaced for air after
Drowning in the waters of desire
But I know the Goal that has
Always been my goal

In spite of Lovely Reminders
Of lovely, lovely Love
I keep on surrendering
The prodigal child that I am
In fits and spurts and lethargy
And never ending surrender
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*Paramahansa Yogananda

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Who Will I Be?

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Who am I
Without my story
Of victim and lover
And fighter and–ha!–poet!?

Who will I be
When I set down
My gauntlet and sword
Open wide my arms

And give in to
That Which awaits
One whiff of my will
Giving in to It?

What will I do
Without passion
Providing false hope
Of vitality?

Maybe I won’t know
Until I quietly agree
Unconditionally
To simply BE

Culminate My Core

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Who am I?
I have forgotten for some time
Am I his?
Am I Hers?
Am I mine?

My core had been
Unanchored
I was drifting,
Bouncing on the waves
Of self-deluding fears

Now I stand on the shore
I watch the waves
Crashing but
No longer
Pulling me down

I listen but only hear
The roar of the ocean
In my mind
Quiet, quiet
Make the effort

The fork in the channel
Of energy in me
Beckons toward Light
Let go, let go
End the fight

The Universe Is Stronger Than Me

The Universe told Us
Through dreams and intuition
“Not this time, Ladies!”
Sometimes We listened
But Love and will were strong

But the Universe is stronger

I would tell my Love of karma
She would tell me of free will
Sometimes I had to walk away
Sometimes, this time, She did

Ah, yes, the Universe is Strong!
Always guiding toward the plan
Even if sometimes We want to
Or think We can change it
The Universe will laugh
And push Us back into Our places!

But if I cooperate, if She does, too
With this wise Universe
It will have to listen to Us
It will have to heed Our desire
Someday

“They renounced,” it will have to say
“And loved, not just each Other,
But all those who were Theirs to love.”
And the Universe will have to
Measure the pull of Our desire
And bring Us together
Not for reward but necessity
To fulfill an ancient and current
Desire to love together

Yes, the Universe is stronger than me
Fortunately I am smart enough
(Even if slooooow to accept)
To cooperate in between my thrashes and tears
Like a bull fighting for its independence
Yet, ultimately knows who feeds it
I turn back to the pasture that is mine
Smelling the flowers, chewing the grass
Planted for me long ago

The Universe is smarter than me
And knows the Divine timing
The perfect time and place
To bring together two Souls
Who Love

The Man Who Loved a Statue

One day I sat in a nearby park
And observed a thing ever so queer
A man approached a Statue there
And seemed to think it dear
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He gazed into the Sculpture’s eyes
And whispered words of love
“My Angel!” he said, “I’ve found You now!
And You’ve found me from Above!”

He kissed Her hand several times
And then he kissed Her more
But still She looked on straight ahead
As if him She would ignore

Indeed the Sculpture was a beauty
Her marble of grey and white
A gift from another country,
Gold speckled Her with delight

The man had no good intention
Of stopping his conquest for love
From the Statue he thought loved him right back
Sent to him from above

“Come away with me!” he pleaded,
“I will always care for You!
We can be together finally as one
And make love the whole night through!”

Yet still the Statue would not budge
Watching, I thought it just might
Instead She kept Her stubborn stance
While not putting up any fight

The man was growing weary
He couldn’t understand why
She was closed to his approaches
And promises for a life

He looked into Her eyes again
Tears rolling down his face
He noticed now what he’d not seen before:
Another statue across the place

He walked to the other location
And looked at the sculpture there
‘Twas a male made also of marble and gold
Embracing the man’s Love with his stare
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“I see,” I heard him softly say
As he slowly backed off the stand
“I know when I’ve been overcome
My Lady, I concede Your hand.”

He bowed to Her and kissed Her hand
Then what seemed an afterthought
Climbed onto Her pedestal
And kissed Her lips but not

To change Her pretty mind
Only this time to say goodbye
“He’ll never love You the way I do,
But he certainly will try.”

And slowly the forlorn man turned away
And walked toward his lonely home
As he walked away out of my sight
I myself began to roam

I swear I caught the quickest glimpse
Of sunlight gleam in Her eye
A tear? Or just a speck of gold?
If I knew I, too, would cry

She’s a Better Man than Me

She’s been always patient, kind,
Loving, caring,
Understanding
She’s been a better man than me

She waited and held on
In spite of my
Indecision, confusion
She’s truly a better man than me

She knew how to let me go
I couldn’t, wouldn’t let Her go
She knew when She was defeated
She’s a much, much, much
Better man than me

My Dragon

Behind me is a door that’s closed
But my dragon wants it open
He wants to breathe his passionate fire
Of love and hurt and rage
He wants to burn that door down
And destroy anything in his way
But I won’t let him

He guards a treasure box
Full of my heart that’s broken
Open by the only One Who held
The key I forgot existed
Open and vulnerable now it lies
While my dragon reels with every
Pain and elation

When his fire is warm and inviting
He wants to abandon his cage
Set free to be with his true Mate
And live in the wide open world
Flying high with Her in the skies
Where he watches Her flying
And She watches him

But now, just as plans have shifted
Creating an opening for him to fly free
I sent Her a letter offering my all
But I can’t allow myself to open Her reply
She’s fed me back my own words
Too often for me to take
One more rejection

Affairs were good enough for me
But not for Her now I see
My spouse deserved it, but not Hers
I was worth it once but now I’m not
My life could break apart but not Hers
The rules are different depending on the
Direction of the wind

This poor dragon of mine thrashes
In his cold cage of rage
I have to wait until he sleeps again
So I can enter with quiet haste
And close the box that holds my heart
And throw away the useless key into the
Separating sea

Oh, this dragon, filled with sorrow
Breathing fire out his nose
Slashing walls with his mighty tail
Would never again let me approach my mail
Without breaking out never to be calmed again
By soothing words of reassurance
I won’t let him