Silence Becomes You

Amada Amada
Your silence becomes you
It shines in your eyes
Like glitter of sunlight
Through a dew drop tear

It adds to your smile
Curling the sweet corners
Adding to the mystery
Adventure and delight
That you are

It sweeps over your face
Like the mane of a wild horse
Free in virgin pastures
Windy, warm, wide open
Away from man’s capture

It sits in your lap
Peaceful and bold like
Enlightenment
Sat upon Buddha’s
Awakened heart

It sees right through me
Like a mirror reflecting
My selfishness, inner
Disharmony, and perhaps
I’m not as bad as all that

In silence you breathe
And I think, hope,
You will speak
But only a patient sigh
Escapes your lips

My heart shouts out
Ad nausem
Thunderous with the sound
Of the mayhem of love
Desired and dreamed of

As I sit here yammering
Away my breath
You let the words flow by
Like diamond dust
In the sky

Perhaps that silence
Looking so good on you
If I tried it
Just might look, maybe,
Half as good on me
image

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The Atomic Little Room with Blackout Curtains

In a schmancy little town
Beyond fickle seasons–
Blankets biting whiteness,
Peeping buds
Causing residents to bend down
And kiss them with delight
As they trumpet the coming
Of spring,
Summer fading quickly
In and out again, and
Vibrant leaves in fall
Putting the town to sleep
Once more–
There’s a home where
Celebrations come and go
Between laughter and tears of
Day to day life
And happy and sad and boring and
Fun experiences
Dot the calendar
And beyond the visuals
Of that home is a
Dancing little One
Who twists and turns
Amid peace and turmoil
Valiantly accomplishing
And sometimes failing
Coming and going
While breathe continues
To flow steadily
Or not so steadily
In and out of lungs
And the warm
But never quite warm enough
Blood pumps persistently
From heart to lungs
Through heroic aorta,
Body, and back and blue
To the heart once more
And in her mind
Thoughts create a
Reality that takes her
Up mountains
Down valleys
Through space and
Fast slow time
Stretching farther than
Arms or legs or boats or planes
And sometimes
She can only feel
The beating of her heart
That quiets a room
In the depth of her,
An atomic little room
With blackout curtains
image

~ When Love First Encountered Us ~

You are away
But my Love keeps flowing
In Your silence
My desire keeps growing

Have I lost my Love
Soul forever?
Or only for the time
It takes

To postpone what
Should flourish?
Should I fear?
Should I cry?

Shall I ignore
The inner promptings?
Within is a sensible
Self that knows

You
With trust of
One thousand lifetimes!
I am Yours

Eternally
Then, Now, Later
But Now would be
A refreshing drink

Of water from the
Universe where Love
First encountered Us
Assigning the burden

We carry now
Too heavy for even
Two Hearts who Love
This much

Cougarlicious ~

What are You up to,
My sleek little Cougar
Slinking around
Watching me?

I see You with Your Eyes
On me, licking Your teeth
Are You hungry for me?
Do you intend to devour me?

Would You like to play?
To romp in the sun
Or laugh at the wind
As We intertwine?

Or will You hide again
In Your forest,
Valley, mountain
Or cave?

I catch Your scent
As easily as You catch mine
I know You are there
Will You come?

Ah, I will stay still as
You decide on Your own
To pounce!
Or not…

My warm, ferocious Cougar,
I am neither prey nor
Predator
I am simply here for You ~

A Curious Exchange

Mysterious, indeed…

Forbidden Words
Where are you now, my beautiful lady?
My heart is missing yours
My lips miss your face
My eyes are searching for yours
Where are you now?
I have been thinking of you all the day,
Reading your letters and poems.
The notes you sent to me, hidden in a book.
Where are you my Divine Soul?
Where are you now?
I need you, I care for you.
I want you, come and rest in my lap.
Comfort me, holding my hands.
Relax me by hugging me.
Make me have dreams to hold to my future.
Let me give you my best
Just to see you laugh.
Good night my love, have nice dreams.

~ From Her, last night, in response to I Can Nearly See You

 

I am here, missing You so much!
I have felt each thought You’ve had
On my lips, my heart, my soul
How I want to comfort You by
Holding You all night,
Wrapped around You as
Perfectly as it happens for Us
I want to see Your smile–
Oh, that sexy smile of Yours as
You look at me from
The corner of Your eye
Laughing at me just for
Being so in love with You!
Forbidden Tower–yes! ahahaha
Forbidden Words–maybe
Forbidden Love? It can’t be true!
I love You, Beautiful Soul
Sweet dreams of me with You ~

~ From me, in response to Her

Curious, indeed…What is one to think?

Beijos

Olho, olho
Testa
Beijo minhas lágrimas ido
Bochecha, bochecha
Segure-me perto
Nunca diga adeus
Orelha, pescoço
Dedos, mão
Só para ter você perto
Em seus braços
Ao seu lado
Onde eu pertenço
Beije-me aqui
Beijá-lo lá
De mãos dadas
Beijo meus lábios
Ver-me sorrir
Beije-me mais
Seis horas
Mais tarde é
Hora de ir
Devemos separar?
Segure meu coração
Todo o caminho para casa
Sempre lá
Eternamente
Dentro de mim
Próxima vida
Alma Minha
Com Você eu serei ~

(Feliz aniversário, Amada Minha! Um outro dia especial — Seis horas de beijar! Shhhhh …)(Veja também abaixo da imagem…)

(Borboleta Minha, eu escrevi esse poema e agendado antes do meu insanidade temporária veio em cima de mim. Entendi não levá-lo para baixo, na esperança de que é agradávela com você. LUSM ~)

(English translation)

A Different Kind of Post

I’m taking this evening to share a bit differently here. It’s been a long time since I actually wrote something besides emoting through poems. I’ve been saving random writing for my other blog. There’s a poem coming out here in the morning–maybe you saw it before this one. This is a bit of the back story on it. I do have other poems scheduled this week, based on some photos I took today at our nearby pond–one where She and I spent some moments. They are coming.

I adore this Woman I have dedicated this blog to. I can only get Her out of my mind for short periods at a time. One of my favorite bloggers, Evelyn of MabelandEvelyn (I love them both), wrote a post one night out of her own frustration, then must have deleted it fairly quickly, since I couldn’t find it again shortly thereafter. I still read it four times before it was gone. It spoke to me about having courage to make moves in life that matter; to have courage to make choices in the face of other people’s opinions and feelings–as well as our own desire to not hurt others, even if it means giving up a part of ourselves. Sometimes, for love, we have to do all of the above. Hurt others, not on purpose, but because we have to let ourselves out of the box we’ve been suffocating in for far too long.

Have you experienced a love like this before? One so encompassing, no external circumstances seem to matter? I’m sure if my She were God, I’d be enlightened by now, I think of Her and adore Her so much.

The last day I saw my Her in person was April 6, 2012. (I have an anniversary poem already scheduled to be posted in the morning.) It was Her last day in the U.S. after our Week of Heaven together a few weeks earlier. She had spent the rest of the time with Her family who live near me. We were going to spend a nice, innocent day at the botanic gardens taking photos before I took Her to the airport. We had already agreed–well, She had graciously understood (again)–that I couldn’t be with Her anymore because of my family and the superhuman guilt that I carried. She was distant from me, understandably, the night before and I hated it, even if She was right to be, and trying to help me. Because that is how wonderful She is.

I had been crying all morning, having to hide it from my husband and children. I couldn’t wait to get out of the house to pick Her up. But my crying wouldn’t stop, and it wasn’t in my control. It came in bursts, I would breathe, calm myself, then it would start all over again. I didn’t want Her to see me crying. I wanted to be strong for Our last day together. I sat in Her room as She packed the last of Her things. The moment She finished and turned to me, I was already crying, silently so She wouldn’t see me. But She did.

She rushed to me and held me so tight as I cried and cried and cried on Her shoulder. I said to Her these words that are the truest words I have ever spoken, “I don’t know how to love anyone as much as I love You.

She hugged me tighter and apologized for being so distant the night before. No need to apologize, of course; I understood. We didn’t know how to be with this shared love that is so strong, how to be friends after having been lovers. Then She kissed one of my eyes to comfort me. Then the other. And I knew it was over. We spent the next six hours before Her flight kissing and holding each other. It was the most divine day of my life.

Two years later, here We are, still figuring out how to be friends after having been lovers. Still sharing, still loving, and working hard to be okay with love as it is. We have tried everything else, short of me divorcing my spouse and leaving my children–which hasn’t been a viable option, even if a desired one many times over.

When I made that statement to Her, that I didn’t know how to love anyone as much as I love Her, I felt this insight. It wasn’t words, just a feeling of using my deep, patient, kind, joyful love for Her as a measuring stick for loving others. Am I loving others as deeply as I love Her? Am I being as patient and kind? As present with them as I am so easily with Her? Am I allowing that joy to be with the love I give? It’s a tough lesson, a serious practice, and mine to do.

I can’t be everything to everyone. I wish I could. I wish I could do what is mine to do here, and be with Her, too. I wish being with Her was my only option. For reasons too many to explain here, it’s not. And it hurts. It would hurt to leave, and it hurts to stay and be away from Her.

I want to learn to experience the Love that I feel with Her with each person as much as I can. Nothing will be what I have with Her. But I want to experience that Love as Love for all, starting with my family. I want to cherish every minute with them. And with that great Love, I want to also Love and honor mySelf.

Thanks for reading and allowing me the space for this release.

So Easy to Love You, It’s Hard

Easy Love can be hard,
Can it not?
When We share thoughts
From miles away
When memories flood
Like blood through Our veins
And one word from the Other
Triggers centuries old longing

I understand ~

When One of Us is weak
The other is strong
When I fell apart
You held the line
You hid from Your
Feelings of sadness
This time
It’s okay, Amada Minha

I understand ~

But We had a few moments
Of loving Friendship
Did We not?
A moment or two
Of what I Love about You
Besides Your kisses
And closeness and touch–
You and me, Anam Caras

Soul Friends ~

When You are ready–
Will it be possible?–
I will be here with
Kindness and strength
Yes, I’m sad but I’m growing
And my heart has peace knowing
You, Beautiful Soul Love
It’s so easy to Love You, it’s hard

I do understand ~

The Universe Is Stronger Than Me

The Universe told Us
Through dreams and intuition
“Not this time, Ladies!”
Sometimes We listened
But Love and will were strong

But the Universe is stronger

I would tell my Love of karma
She would tell me of free will
Sometimes I had to walk away
Sometimes, this time, She did

Ah, yes, the Universe is Strong!
Always guiding toward the plan
Even if sometimes We want to
Or think We can change it
The Universe will laugh
And push Us back into Our places!

But if I cooperate, if She does, too
With this wise Universe
It will have to listen to Us
It will have to heed Our desire
Someday

“They renounced,” it will have to say
“And loved, not just each Other,
But all those who were Theirs to love.”
And the Universe will have to
Measure the pull of Our desire
And bring Us together
Not for reward but necessity
To fulfill an ancient and current
Desire to love together

Yes, the Universe is stronger than me
Fortunately I am smart enough
(Even if slooooow to accept)
To cooperate in between my thrashes and tears
Like a bull fighting for its independence
Yet, ultimately knows who feeds it
I turn back to the pasture that is mine
Smelling the flowers, chewing the grass
Planted for me long ago

The Universe is smarter than me
And knows the Divine timing
The perfect time and place
To bring together two Souls
Who Love

The Man Who Loved a Statue

One day I sat in a nearby park
And observed a thing ever so queer
A man approached a Statue there
And seemed to think it dear
image

He gazed into the Sculpture’s eyes
And whispered words of love
“My Angel!” he said, “I’ve found You now!
And You’ve found me from Above!”

He kissed Her hand several times
And then he kissed Her more
But still She looked on straight ahead
As if him She would ignore

Indeed the Sculpture was a beauty
Her marble of grey and white
A gift from another country,
Gold speckled Her with delight

The man had no good intention
Of stopping his conquest for love
From the Statue he thought loved him right back
Sent to him from above

“Come away with me!” he pleaded,
“I will always care for You!
We can be together finally as one
And make love the whole night through!”

Yet still the Statue would not budge
Watching, I thought it just might
Instead She kept Her stubborn stance
While not putting up any fight

The man was growing weary
He couldn’t understand why
She was closed to his approaches
And promises for a life

He looked into Her eyes again
Tears rolling down his face
He noticed now what he’d not seen before:
Another statue across the place

He walked to the other location
And looked at the sculpture there
‘Twas a male made also of marble and gold
Embracing the man’s Love with his stare
image

“I see,” I heard him softly say
As he slowly backed off the stand
“I know when I’ve been overcome
My Lady, I concede Your hand.”

He bowed to Her and kissed Her hand
Then what seemed an afterthought
Climbed onto Her pedestal
And kissed Her lips but not

To change Her pretty mind
Only this time to say goodbye
“He’ll never love You the way I do,
But he certainly will try.”

And slowly the forlorn man turned away
And walked toward his lonely home
As he walked away out of my sight
I myself began to roam

I swear I caught the quickest glimpse
Of sunlight gleam in Her eye
A tear? Or just a speck of gold?
If I knew I, too, would cry