Lunchtime Rant and Cry

And for every rant I come up with, I know She’d have three of Her own.

I would say, How can you drop those bombs on me and turn Your back?

She could say, How many times did I endure that from you?

I would say, Then why did you post those photos for me? Are they flowers from Your other?

She could say, How often did I listen to you talk about your husband?

OK, but that doesn’t explain that You reached out to me this time. I was only checking that email. You say you had felt my thoughts, but Your posts predated my curiosity.

I don’t know what She would say about that. I don’t know what is going through Her mind or heart.

Is She afraid that I would try to talk Her out if Her new life? Then She doesn’t know me as well as I always thought She did. I would never do that.

She could ask, in Her suspicious Scorpio way, Then why are you so desperate to talk with me?

Please, I just found out that I will never see You again. Not ever. No matter how many times, no matter how many different ways it has been said, I have still held hope of seeing You again. I have danced with that hope always.

Now that hope is gone and my grieving begins again, but with more finality. It is as if You died to me, and part of me went with you.

But know this: I will never, ever interfere with Your new life and love. I will support You through the end of all time, as You have done for me.

I only want to say goodbye, to have closure. If that looks like telling me, No, I’m not comfortable with that, I will feel sad, but I will honor it.

I just can’t do this popping in then hiding thing. Don’t You understand what You have meant to me?

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