A Hiatus from Love Indulgences

Have you ever heard the riddle, “If you have a red dog and a white dog, which one will grow?”

The answer, of course, is, “The one you feed.”

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Well, you see, I created this blog not to lead you on, friendly followers, but only as my own processing space as I tried to release Her, but ended up telling Her about it, then using it to profess my persistent affections for Her, then used it to grieve Her, full circle.

Oi.

And, as fond of you all as I have become–your writing, your comments and compassion, your good hearts and minds–I have to admit to myself that I post here still desiring response from Her. And as long as I have that underlying motive, I am feeding my desire for Her in all, which makes it quite difficult for me to be present with my “real” life, where I am a woman you know less about than what I reveal here. It also pulls on Her feelings, which is quite insensitive on my part.

I am sad to go, really. I’ve not written so many poems since I was that awkward tall girl in high school, so many years ago. This has been delightful… Loving Her is delightful…

<Ahem.>But, alas, if you knew 1) how much I truly miss Her (and you may have a sense of it, if you have been reading anything that has been posted here at all, but for a couple of poems on spiders and minivans), and 2) how posting here only challenges me to elicit some small response from Her, then you would understand why I must back away for a while. It is too painful, and too tempting, all at once. And November is simultaneously too close and too far away. (Sorry…only She will understand that last sentence.)

So, thank you for all of your support. Keep doing what you love. Feel free to browse around this blog. There are pages and pages of love, and my writing is not too bad most days. In fact, there is one story I had the best time writing which I will reblog shortly, to give it one last hurrah. It is one of my favorites, and forgive me for saying that I am rather proud of its silliness-with-a-point, even thought the point is no longer valid (and wasn’t fully valid when I wrote it–but it was still fun).

So, farewell, my unintentional blogger family! All the best to you. It is time for me to write less, release more.

And to You, Amada Minha, I will love you deeply every day, for always ~

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11 thoughts on “A Hiatus from Love Indulgences

    • Thank you, Oloriel, me too. It is felt in every word as I write each one… I will continue reading your excellent posts, even though my own fingers will be forbidden from dancing across the keyboard. 🙂

  1. Nooooo. and I’ve only just met you! But I understand… really I do. You are right about feeding the dog, and you are being honest with yourself (and us) about your motives. You’ve been able to live soulfully here but we need to be fully soulful in all of the places we live in. I wish you…. everything you need. I hope to hear from you from time to time…

    • Ah, thanks, Nina! I will be following you, just not posting. 🙂 And thanks for reminding me that I have to reblog your songs before I go. I wasn’t able to do it from my “smart”phone this weekend. Yes, something has to give. I already am having withdrawal seizures trying to hold back more posts…eek…

  2. Hiya. I understand this. I’ve done this myself, more than once. In fact, I’ve deleted whole blogs, kicking all my followers to the curb…(not proud of that…, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do). However, that being said, my money is on you coming back sooner than later. I think it is a part of you to express yourself in this way, and, well, we all know how addicting it is to make friends here… So, when a new post appears here sooner than you think, you don’t have to say “I’m back”, or anything like that. I’ll just be expecting it with a smile. / You know, it doesn’t hurt just to draw a line in your blog and say, “From here on out…”, and then just start anew with a new approach. New posts. New ideas. And when the old creeps back in (…and it will) (you know how I know….), that’s okay too. That too is a part of you. A part of your life and experience. A part of YOU from here on out. It’s shaped you and will continue to in different ways. Again, I think the word is Catharsis. SO, come back and be…cathartic…with us soon, okay? ~ Hugs! ~ Your partner in crime (wink)! ~ Bill

  3. Beijas…no don’t do it. Just start a new page in your life and on your blog. I understand why you want to take this option. Perhaps venting for a while can help. Your writing is beautiful and will be a loss to us who enjoy your posts. Email me please 🙂 big hug and thinking of you xx

  4. I’m sorry that your purpose did not yield contact from her… I think that it was a critical part of your journey, however, and that you have gained much through the experience. Maybe there is an unintentional lesson here? I believe in those deeply. I will be thinking of you.

    • Thanks, TomBoy. I haven’t signed in for a while, so just now am getting to your comment. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. All the best to you.

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