You know that saying, “If you truly love someone, let them go”? I always thought that was wise regarding children going off to college, dead pets, and people you have to forgive and walk away from.
We talked last night, She and I. It was a beautifully terrible conversation. It started with love and laughter and ended with love and a stomach ache on my end, always with wisdom on Hers.
Our talk was about, essentially, Our loving each other so much that neither One of Us would ever be happy with the arrangement as it is. No 17th Century France arrangement for Us. We want each Other, to be together. At least this is what I can see. It is not enough to love without action, without commitment to this love We have.
And I am the duck not getting in the water.
I stand at the edge of this glorious lake, temped by its beauty. I want to get in, drink from it, eat from it, swim in its refreshing waters.
But my little webbed feet are stuck on the shore. I quack frantically and flap my wings furiously, trying to free myself from the ground and step into that lovely water. But I can’t. It looks like I could just waddle in freely. Nothing is binding me there, only me. But I won’t.
After Our talk (cut quickly short by my husband waking up), I had my evening meditation time, during which an image came to me. Not quite the duck image, but one where I felt my feet so planted in the ground–cemented by blocks up to my shins–here with my children. I could never go. It wasn’t a feeling of bondage, but of acceptance, understanding, peace. It was not from guilt, but from…I don’t know how to describe it…from a sense of “This is right for you, for them, even for Her.” This was followed by a sense of other things ahead, which I have been catching glimpses of all week, without knowing specifics.
At 6:00 this morning, I woke up wanting to write this, but allowed myself to stay in bed for a while longer. For two hours, I thought of Her, cried about Her, held Her close to me via my pillow. Finally, sitting up to meditate again, I saw myself on the beach, where I will be going this week. I was standing there, looking out at the vast ocean, that ocean that connects Us, one hour closer to each other. I put my hands to my lips, then to my heart, and I sent a kiss to Her, carried by the waves, rushed through the currents, from the center of my heart to the center of Hers. Then I felt myself expanding in Our Soul Love, the Love that drew Us together in the first place, the Love that kept me returning to Her time and again, the Love that We will always have together, across time and space.
I cried again, standing on the beach and sitting in my room. But I felt that vast Love for Her, reaching Her Beautiful Heart, Beloved Soul.
When I am at the beach in person this week, there will be a time that I will send this Heart kiss across the ocean to Her. And I know She will feel it.
A kiss in the center of Your Beautiful Heart ~